Trying day

Ugh, today was a long one. Kale had a pretty stable night last night, and about 10am this morning I got a call from the nurse saying that they were doing a bunch of tests on Kale because he hadn't had a wet diaper since 2am which is quite a while for a baby. So, they did a blood culture, urine culture, CRP, blood test (for platelets and white blood cells) and x-ray to see what is going on. They are trying to hold off on doing a spinal tap until it's absolutely necessary. The first CRP and blood test came back good, and it will be a few days for the urine and blood culture. The abdominal x-ray didn't show anything. They were looking to see if there were air packets in his stomach, and there weren't any. He finally had a wet diaper at 1pm for me, and he had another at 5pm. The Dr. was still concerned so she ordered another x-ray at 6pm and 8pm. The 6pm x-ray showed a slight compression on a piece of his bowel. Not sure what this means exactly, so they are watching it carefully with the x-rays and are watching for any abdominal swelling.

His gases came back ok today, and his oxygen was a bit more stable. His lung x-rays were about the same today, so we're happy that they aren't any worse!

Due to all of his complications today they had to discontinue all feedings until they figure out what's going on. That's an unfortunate setback because then he won't be gaining much weight. Also, since they discontinued feedings they had to reinsert his IV to give him TPN for nutrients.

The cardiologist came in today to see if his heart looked ok, and wasn't retaining fluid. He said it looked ok, but he thought that Kale's PDA may have reopened slightly. He said he wasn't overly concerned because there wasn't any blood flow through it. He will come back in Monday to do another echocardiogram to verify.

The positive things from today: his umbilical cord finally fell off and he has a cute little bellybutton (it's an innie for those who are wondering!), and I got to do about 5 minutes of 'positive touch' with him, and when I was doing it his SpO2 level shot to 100%, so that made me feel like I was helping in the only way I can.

So, needless to say, it was a very tough day for Derc and I. We keep thinking that we'll get used to these ups and downs, but it doesn't get any easier. Throughout this journey we have received an outpouring of support and encouraging messages. The first few days that Kale was born, Derc and I had a lot of questions that we'll never know the answer to, "Why us?", "Why Kale?", are just a few we had. We have both always thought that God has a plan for each of us, and that it's not our place to question that plan. When life throws you situations like this it can be hard to keep that spirit, but thanks to all of you who send encouraging messages each day, celebrate when things are good and are there to lean on when things are tough, we're able to stay positive. I'd like to share something that one of my good friends, Jacqui, gave me that helped me look at things in another light.

It's adapted from Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year thousands of mothers will give birth to a premature baby. Did you ever wonder how mothers of preemies are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, Son. Patron saint, Matthew."
"Forest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."
"Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron saint...give her Gerard, he's used to profanity."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a premature baby." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have patience?" asks the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence that are so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?" God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child who comes in a less than perfect way. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied."

"She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says 'Mommy' for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see - ignorance, cruelty, prejudice - and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, the pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."


Pretty good huh? Yeah, I cried, but I pretty much cry at the drop of a hat these days :) Anyway, just thought I would share because I loved it!

Have a great weekend! We're hoping that Kale has a better day tomorrow and he recovers from whatever is going on inside. Thanks for keeping Kale in your prayers!!